trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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