You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
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Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
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I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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