12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
