so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
