If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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