im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
