I molested 6 butterflies tonight
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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