i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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