I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
So many bounce houses so little time
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
