I wish I could teleport
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
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he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
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It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize