It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
