It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize