READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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