wat bout pragnant strippers??
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize