you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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