YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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