3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
