she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
