____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
