forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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