I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
