I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
