im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
