I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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