after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
it's like iHOP with fire
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
