I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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