Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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