HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
