Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
