I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
