Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
