Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
