I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
