So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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