Michael Bay diarrhea
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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