mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize