I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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