i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
