my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
