What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
