I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
