Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
