I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
