Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
