He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
