i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
