the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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