the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Less talking, more tequila
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
