If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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