oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
