beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
