We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Sext me about skeletons
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