Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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