This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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