is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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