Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
