On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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