I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
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we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
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STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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