Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
