I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
